I had an unusual childhood. Growing up in the sixties and seventies, I noticed that my family was very different. My friend’s families had both a mother and father in the same house or as it started to become more popular, divorced parents. I was in the latter group.
When I was eight my father came out about his being gay and my parents divorced. My family distanced themselves eventually disowning him and removed me from their lives as well. In itself this is a complicated situation for a child to comprehend, but later in life when I was 17 my mother would also announce that she too was gay. Once again for no reason other than for their sexuality I (along with my mother) would be pushed away by family and friends. Being a child in a society where it was, and still is, openly and outwardly hostile towards homosexuality, proved to be exceedingly stressful. There were no groups available to answer why my family was different; ostracized, why society said my new family (two fathers and two mothers) was not “real” or “normal”. I was a straight teenager that had to listen to homophobic rhetoric and although they were not talking about me I took offense and became defensive.
In the nineties the media started coverage discussing gay parenting. I found myself hoping there would be some type of group formed for the children. The media however never really focused on what it was like to be the “child”. In my mid teens I started to do some volunteer work with groups that I thought might know others like me. I went to the Gay Men’s Health Crises Center and helped with AIDS walk in NY four years in a row only to come to the realization there were no other children of gay parents involved, only mostly gay men and women.
At Hunter College I majored in Psychology eventually receiving my BA. From there I went into the health and fitness field as a personal trainer. I followed up with an additional two years at the Swedish Institute becoming a NYS licensed medical massage therapist. The first and most powerful reason I chose this line of work was to be in direct contact with people. Communication and attention to an individuals needs were required on a very personal level. I also noticed I could be an intricate part of helping to effect change for the better a person’s own image and self-esteem. During sessions with my clients I found them not only growing strong physically but emotionally as well. Along with a better body came a motivation to do better in other aspects of their lives. I was actually affecting lives beyond physical and it made me feel good about myself.
I have chosen start this association for children of gay parents because I feel that my life experiences have something special to share. I can personally influence the development and direction of an underrepresented community that, from my experience, needs understanding and acceptance. I feel that with educating society about how this family structure works and effects children I can introduce a positive change to benefit others. For the past twenty years I have actively been involved with helping people change…change of body and change of mind. I have watched others reach goals they once thought unobtainable simply by being there to help them better understand themselves. I have facilitated, demonstrated and motivated. My part was to ask the right questions and listen to answers so I could locate a point of desire and make it achievable.
Finding compassion for problems, I help find strengths for weakness. I obtain a personal sense of satisfaction and pride in helping others learn and grow. Realizing there is room for personal growth I acknowledge my own. One example perhaps is not having the patience or a deep enough understanding of those who feel they have no control over their own lives. I believe life is a gift, we are given a precious short amount of time on earth and to not love it does not make any sense. I would like to better understand depths of despair so great some people just want it all to end.
Social issues hold different depth of meaning with people for a multitude of reasons, what seems important, even monumental for some may be just a passing thought for others. It is with this in mind I would like to bring to your attention the children of same sex (gay) parents. A multitude of media, social, political and religious attention has been paid over the past few years to the process of parenting either by surrogacy or adoption into a gay house. Numerous organizations have been specifically designed to provide support and assistance during this arduous process. Sides to this social issue have been taken, sparking an ongoing debate over the subject, either commending or condemning the action. Being a gay parent is not the social issue I am interested in, it has enough attention and groups discussing it.
My focus is the actual children, regardless of their sexual orientation that are being fought over. I do not seek to praise or condemn parenting or argue about who should be able to adopt or not. I would simply like to provide a group that acknowledges that THERE ARE children in these families. Support for them is nowhere near the levels being paid to the parents and those opposed. Helping people obtain new inner strength and personal satisfaction is something I thrive on. Teaching, motivating and listening make up my essence. Being able to combine these into an organization specifically designed for the adaptation and formulation of a program intended to better a community of underrepresented individuals is my hope.
Developing a project that will give to a group that has been severely underrepresented and ignored, I would like to include children of same sex (gay) parents in a formal type of forum. Included in this will be discussions designed to increases awareness about how other children have been treated, and develop consideration in mainstream society. Please do not assume I mean children brought up in homes with same sex parents have problems at home. There are many variables to take into consideration. Is the child well adjusted, is the family well adjusted is there a good support system at home available. Discrimination in its various forms is a part of all society, perhaps the same as a cross culture child hearing racial slurs not directly aimed at them. Hateful words have the ability to deeply effect development on many different levels. My objective may be to only help relate with each other and understand how prejudice and bigotry towards our parents may have inadvertently been directed to and affect us.
I envision the program foundation to be an environment where the development of theories through discussion can begin. I have already begun to reach out to the children of gay parents to gather a database of eager participants. This is being done over a multifaceted network. I am in touch with gay friends of my parents who know other children. I am on web sites of all types, Myspace, Friendster, Facebook and ASmallWorld. Once a core group has been formed, branching out can begin by word of mouth or active solicitation.
I had several occupations, personal trainer, medical massage therapist, stockbroker, pharmaceutical sales representative and real estate salesperson. Each of these required that I continue my education, not in a formal environment but instead with real and strict licensing requirements needing to be passed. Over the years I have accumulated many accreditations, taken by many and only passed by some. I have received my medical massage therapist license in NYS (this required one and a half years of full time schooling). I have passed my series 7, 63, and 55 licenses (perhaps the hardest one day standardized test in the country) to become a stockbroker. I have completed the New York State real estate boards requirement to become a sales person. My personal training certifications are too numerous to list, this all represents I have the ability to learn when I am excited about what I am doing.
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